Buoyed by the success of Earth Hour 2008, World Wildlife Fund Australia (WWF) declared at a press conference today,
“It is with great pleasure and pride that we have witnessed the coming together of a critical mass of people worldwide who are keen to demonstrate their participation in reducing carbon emissions produced by fuel-based electricity generation. Earth Hour 2008 has been a resounding success in raising the awareness of how just a little effort can result in so much visibility, and we must continue to remind ourselves endlessly.
“In answer to criticisms that Earth Hour is a hollow gesture and the impact on the environment negligible, WWF has decided to take the next step in harnessing the momentum we have gathered for Earth Hour 2009, and introduce the following changes:
“We now ask you who have signed up to make a real effort in conserving electricity as well as reducing our reliance on fuel-based electricity generation.
“Instead of merely switching off the lights and non-essential equipment for an hour, we want you to go to sleep an hour early every night. This in itself will render lights, TVs, video game consoles, etc. non-essential for that hour, and can therefore be switched off. This behavioral trend will also gradually starve the nightlife trade, which in turn will bring about more savings when late night bars begin to close early, and close up shop full stop. We realise and acknowledge that socialising is essential to us as human beings, but we can always choose to change our habits and rearrange our schedules such that socialising happens earlier in the evening, and reject the overuse of electricity for mere considerations of convenience and comfort. Real progress come at a price.
“We also ask that you make a hour of real effort during the next 12 months by heading down to one of the special gyms – a list of which is available on our Web site – that are equipped with cycles, treadmills and weight-training equipment that converts the energy you spend working out into electricity, which is then transferred to a storage facility. Once you have generated a certain quota of electricty, equivalent to an hour of hard cycling, you will receive a certificate of achievement that will gain you admittance to the official Earth Hour 2009 celebration event in your city next March. Of course, you are more than welcome to generate more than that. We also offer monthly and annual gym memberships, for either set fees – relatively higher than industry standards, but all profits will go towards future Earth Hour advertising and events, after we recoup the cost of developing and installing the special training equipment – or for contracts to generate fixed units of electricity through your gym activity. We like to think in win-win terms.
“National governments can now also sign up for Earth Hour, by agreeing to an undertaking to stop production of missiles, bombs and other products in their armament factories and defence laboratories. You cannot begin to fathom how much electricity those facilities consume!
“Earth Hour 2009 will remain a solely self-congratulatory celebration held at a time convenient for participants, who can then spent the entire hour in guilt-free backslapping each other instead of doing something productive towards the cause. After all, lots of people are motivated by self-interest and personal gains only; to make an effort towards benefitting the world at large, without the promise of profit, recognition or bragging rights is to go against nature.
“There is a rumour that WWF will ask all television stations to suspend broadcast and switch off their transmission equipment for an hour during Earth Hour 2009. That is unfounded and simply not true. They give us free publicity, just as you are reporting this now, because there is something for them to gain. We are not stupid, really.
“We look forward to your continued support. Thank you.”
